Der Verlorene Haufen: A Healthy Dose of Nihilism and Morr Skullz!

The stagnant chill of the morning sat heavily amongst the pines. The silence that hung expectantly in the air gave way to the dull clank of rusted armour and harness. Slowly they came, forlorn and sombre, the mud sucking gently at their worn boots. One could have been forgiven for thinking the dejected throng a ghostly apparition or some other ethereal conjuration, for no word or groan escaped the visors of their dour helmet, save for the ragged clouds of condensed breath that hung about their heads in the cold air. 

The Mighty Throgg and his Hobgoblin Despoilers of the Darklands

My Hobgoblin army has been receiving some attention in preparation for BOYL 2015 and it's all about monopose loveliness this morning with Throgg's Despoiling Hobgoblins - not sure how you can despoil the Darklands as they're already in a pretty parlous state but there you go...

Going Commando

Don't worry - I'm not about to share with you my choices in underwear (or lack of)...

This post is in fact to celebrate another little mile stone to warm the cold and ever hungry collector that lurks somewhere in my psyche - Ugezod's Death Commandos.

Belly's Gonna Getcha...

Grom - Soldier. Tactician. Fat Bastard.

According to legend he initiated the Goblin Wars by slaying Wulfrun Willowhand, King of the Northern Dwarves in some kind of drunken bar room brawl. Many victories and atrocities have been attributed to "The Paunch of the Misty Mountains" - so named because of his morbid obesity. In fact it was said that Grom was so huge and ugly that he almost resembled an ogre - not sure about that one but I do love the minis! Chiefly remembered among his many black deeds were the atrocities of Zhuf Field. After the Goblin victory there and subsequent looting of the Dwarven Smithies and Armouries, Grom called for a hundred Dwarf captives to be brought before him each day. Each day he personally suffocated each and every one of them - by sitting on them.

Grom was not a pure breed of Goblin (if there is such a thing) and neither were the Goblins he selected to make up his Goblin Guard - large and vicious creatures of mixed Orc/Goblin parentage. I'm thinking of upping their stats and points value to that of Half Orcs.

Enough of the history lesson and on to the miniatures! The troopers were all speed painted in batches using the usual grey basecoat with drybrushed white highlights and black ink wash. Then the base colours were applied in thin washes with ink washes to bring out shadow and colour. Ironically the shields took about three times as long as the Goblins themselves!

The designs were rather fun to do. They are supposed to represent various aspects of the death of Wulfrun Willowhand at the hands of Grom. There is a somewhat veiled reference to Grom's personal shield design in that it depicts the death of Willowhand with a great deal of blood and the fabled toasting fork very much in evidence!

Well I couldn't resist a reference like that so various troopers ended up with crossed toasting forks in tribute to their leader...

and various bits of Wulfrun Willowhand being toasted on said toasting fork.

There is little mention about how this epic altercation started other than the fact that the relative merits of Bugman's Best and Old Sam's Brown were being discussed at the time. This also provided some inspiration for shield designs - a brown take on the Bugman's Rangers' shields for Old Sam's Brown - every Goblin's favourite!

Some of you familiar with a certain Brown Ale from the North East of England might recognise the logo on the following shields...

Old Pukey Brown certainly is a refreshing brew and the choicest of spoils for any self respecting Gobbo.

Ironically Grom's champion, Crud Longbone, happens to be extremely skinny and lanky. Canon and Ball anyone?

Interestingly several variants of this chap are included in the larger unit of regular Goblin warriors I have yet to paint.

Grom himself in all his Ogre-ish(?) glory.

And his shield - I restrained myself from depicting the toasting fork stuck in the part of Wulfrun's anatomy that immediately sprang to mind and went for a more tasteful depiction of his head held proudly aloft on the improvised weapon. Thanks to a large shield boss he seems to have taken on a bit of a likeness for either Statler or Waldorf from the Muppet Show.

The Regimental musician - love the puffed out cheeks on this chap. I should probably give them a bit of a red tinge, although I'm sure Goblinoid blood is supposed to be green?

And the standard bearer with a slightly less cartoony representation of Willowhand's head toasting nicely before the fire.

I think I was running out of ideas for shields by then so both he and Crud ended up with the Pukey Brown logo.

The Command Group together.

And the whole regiment once more. The more keen-eyed of you might have noticed the lone Gobbo on the back rank. Yes, annoyingly I have 31 minis for Grom's Guard and could really do with another 5 troopers to round them off nicely.

Our Dearest War and raidings...

Right a bit of Oldhammer this time!

Spike-Can Commandos Part II

Phew! Finally finished painting up the rest of the unit! Rather proud of these - first regiment fully painted (minus the original crossbows that are supposed to be slung across their backs...) which has been quite an effort!

Anyway I waffled enough in the last post so here's the piccies!

The individual troopers -

Gudruk Bonechewer

the chief, Ruglud -  

Bambrag - whining, incontinent shaman and musician on the Xylobone!

and Maggot - youngest and most irritating whelp of the tribe!

Waaaaaaagggghhhhhh!!!

Spike-Can Commandos

A slight diversion from Orc's Drift - well not really as I'll need every orc I own to make up the invasion force!

I've had these minis a long, long time and they've been primed ready for painting for a long, long time too! Finally got around to making a start - rightly or wrongly I'm going to paint them 4 or 5 at a time to make it more manageable, leaving the command group till last as a treat!

I think it was the idea of 20 odd freehand shields that has been putting me off (I have a cunning plan to avoid this with Harboth's Orc Archers... more later!). However, I quite enjoyed looking up old chaos imagery and it wasn't as bad as envisioned... Just need a load of the original crossbows as I've lost all but 4 of mine!

Back in the good old days GW printed some great back stories about the regiments featured in the boxed regiments of Renown sets - Here's how the Ruglud's Armoured Orcs, the Spike-Can Commandos, were formed...

The Crooked Eye Orcs had travelled many miles westward to the Old World, suffering the sniping of mountain Goblins, incessant rain, and the endless whining of Bambrag, their incontinent shaman.


Once, they skirted a ruined Dwarfhold. Fear of spirits kept them from sheltering inside, but, a single Orc Hero named Ruglud had dared to enter. He returned unharmed, but had not spoken since, and stated blankly into space.
The Orcs huddled in the rain before a rough stone wall across a narrow pass, while Chief Gudruk Bonechewer yelled at a figure on the battlements.

'Stoopid!', he screamed, 'Do we look like Chaos boys?'
'Zog off!' echoed the reply.

Gudruk returned to the tribe, dodging the hall of stones and garbage that accompanied this witty riposte.

'Lissen,' he said. 'Them kak-'ead Gobboes reckon the Chaos boys took ev'ryfink over. They ain't comin' out an' they ain't lettin' nuffink through. They got bows an' rocks an' spears an' stuff - if we was to try and get 'em, they'd crump us to bits.' He thought for a while.

'We needs volunteers', he announced at length. His warriors developed a sudden and compelling interest in the ground at their feet.

'Or armour', whined Bambrag, 'Couldn't touch us if we 'ad cans like real Chaos boys.'

'We ain't got cans, 'ave we, Trickle-legs?' snarled Gudruk.

'Cans... jus' lyin' where they dropped... all black an' spiky.'

It was Ruglud who spoke. Gudruk gave him a good shake to speed the recovery of his senses, and he continued dreamily.

'Down this Stunty-hole... lotsa rooms ... lost... big room... big enough to stand up in ... big pile of bones an' gear... spiky Stunties an' reg'lar ones... wiped each uvver out...'

'Yerrrss!' cried Gudruk, 'We'll 'ave some o' that! Come on, boys - it's Goblin-gizzard for supper!'.

A swift expedition returned to the Dwarfhold. The ill-fitting plates were roughly hammered into shape and held together with whatever came to hand. By nightfall, a small unit of armoured warriors was ready.

As the gear's discoverer and the bravest, meanest and certainly the most stupid Orc, Ruglud was made leader, At Gudruk's suggestion, Bambrag became the regimental musician on the Xylobone, a traditional Orcish instrument, and Maggot - Gudruk's youngest and most irritating whelp - joined the ranks as standard-bearer.

The tribe feasted upon Goblin-flesh long into the night - all except for Ruglud, who couldn't get his helmet off, and was reduced to sucking broth through a straw.

BATTLECRY The most frequent battlecry is a repetitive chant of 'Gobbo fer tea, Gobbo fer tea, Gobbo, Gobbo, Gobbo fer tea!', with 'Stunty', "Uman' and so on being substituted for 'Gobbo' as appropriate.
DEEDS The Commandos' first victory led to many more as they pushed across the Worlds' Mountains towards the old World. Most of these were over isolated Goblin strongholds, and are remembered only in the stories and drinking songs of the Crooked Eye Orcs - and then in versions which are probably wildly exaggerated. one confirmed exploit was the storming of Karak-Bazik, an outlier to the great Dwarven settlement of Zhufbar, when the Dwarfs were obliged to abandon the Dwarfhold and cave in a series of connecting tunnels to cover their retreat.

UNIFORMS There is no uniform as such; the commandoes are dressed in a wide and miscellaneous range of armour.

SHIELDS The Commandos never bothered to re-paint their shields to a standard design, so this varies widely.